The return of cravings

Here's the side effect of taking cough medicine with alcohol (and probably sugar):

I'm jonesing a bit.

Of course, who's to say for sure the effect is physical. It could be psychological. I know I'm having sugar and alcohol.

At the same time, Sundays -- when I take Communion -- are always tougher days for me. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, as I hadn't consciously thought about the wheat.

Here's how I feel it with the cold medicine. Sometimes, we have "bacon day," where we stop at Whole Foods and get bacon off the hot bar for the kids. I'm convinced it is the cheapest way to eat bacon, particularly high-quality Whole Foods bacon. I can't make it at home as cheaply as I can buy it, already cooked.

It was probably a bad idea to go there yesterday, and I was definitely wanting bacon so much more than usual. Bacon is always harder for me to handle than, say, cupcakes -- but yesterday I came close to throwing it away so I wouldn't be alone in the car with it.

This morning, I made pancakes, and I came this close to popping a little piece of leftovers into my mouth.

It's not that I can't resist things -- I do. Now staying on plan is a pretty strong Habit. It's just that I have to be so much more mindful. I can't go on auto-pilot.

My kids' first race

My 6-year-old and I were looking at a map of Santa Monica. I told him that I ran there (down San Vicente) during my big race. He says, "When am I going to get to come see you do a race?"

Well, it's pretty boring. (And -- I didn't tell him this -- but I feel rather silly doing it in the first place. I don't need to see family or people I know aside from the running club and running bloggers.) Plus, I told my son he'd need to get up really early. He's definitely not into that.

Then, I told him that he could do a race if he wanted to.

His eyes lit up, and he said he'd love that.

So, I've been keeping my eyes open.

This Sunday, he and his 8-year-old sister are going to do a race in the San Fernando Valley. I got a $5 rate with my running club discount, and there's no church school this Sunday. It was great timing.

I'm not doing any running because my cough, which is probably bronchitis, continues. I got the blessing to use medicine with alcohol from Tiffany, and I'm hoping I'll finally beat this thing.

My Mother of the Year Award, Part II

I recently introduced my 14-year-old to Cypress Hill, the old school East L.A. stoner rappers.

I also introduced him to St. Augustine and Thomas Merton -- I wonder if that makes up for Cypress Hill.

Running with a lung virus

Jeff Galloway scared the heck out of me in one of his books. He said that if you run too much with a virus in your lungs that it can move to your heart and kill you.

What have I been doing for the last month or so? Running with a lung virus, of course!

Of course, statistically, the chances of my killing myself in this manner are remote. But, after reading that, I've been concentrating on getting better and not pushing myself -- which is hard.

On my diet, where I can't have sugar or alcohol, most cough and cold medicines are verboten. So I've been forcing myself to go to bed earlier and to sleep later. And taking sugar- and alcohol-free medicine.

H&M shopping; my iPod is gone -- and another 40 minutes

I did another 40 minutes this afternoon. It was slow again, but I feel as though I'm getting back into the swing of things.

My 11-year-old, who is 5'4", has desperately needed some new clothes for a while. I took her to H&M today because the clothes are cute yet relatively inexpensive and who knows how tall she'll be three or four months from now.

It was fun and bizarre to dress someone else. We walked out of there with clothes in four -- count 'em, four -- different sizes. She's a challenge to dress because she's got Paul's and my legs, so skirts are usually too short; plus, she won't wear v-necks.

The music they played at the store was basically the contents of my iPod, which is gone. I lost it somewhere between the finish line of the marathon and my house, probably while I was cleaning up in the hotel afterwards. The irritating part is that they don't make my iPod anymore, so I won't be able to buy it from Apple itself -- just resellers.


What Paul tells others about the marathon: This came from an email he wrote to a mutual friend: "Kathleen did fine, though she said she wished she had prepared for more hill work. She took a little more than six hours, but I don't think she cared much about time. She wants to do it again, which I find puzzling. But then again, I never understood why women go through childbirth more than once."

30 really slow minutes

I did my first run since the marathon today. My nasty cold has continued and become an ear infection, but I've been sick of being sick.

It was really, really slow. On purpose.

My 14-year-old walked along with me for about 10 minutes of it, wanting to talk about the earthquake, which has indeed shaken everyone up. It's the strongest and longest one we've felt since moving out here just over 10 years ago. Our earthquake kit has been updated, just in the last few hours, and the kids initiated conversations about what we would do if a large one hit even closer to us.

Another Blake quotation

"The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness."

-- William Blake

Amen.

Those of us who are struggling with our weight or other bad habits often need to forgive, forgive both ourselves and others. We need to lose our attachment to How Things Should Be and focus on What Is.

It's within the notion of forgiveness where my Catholic Christianity and my affinity with Buddhist philosophy join together. Accepting What Is with love while still seeking unattainable perfection is the challenge we all face.